Laughter really is the best medicine!

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.
Don't Drink and Drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed, your skydiving is over.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Abraham Lincoln: Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
Charlie Brown, "Peanuts" [Charles Schulz]: A word to the wise isn't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice.
Bill Cosby: Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.
Sir Francis Bacon: Everybody's got to believe in something..., I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields: The other week I went to see my doctor ... I was in the waiting room, and I decided to pass the time finishing a novel. But the other patients complained about the noise of the typewriter.
Arthur Brown: My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman: My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

For more information on the health benefits of laughter check out Laughter is the Best Medicine.